After almost fifteen years of waiting for the return of the fighting turtles, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be watching TMNT on opening weekend. I had my awesome purple Donatello headband all set and even went looking for my Ninja Turtle slap bracelet. The early nineties were making a comeback big time in my apartment. So you can imagine how disappointed I was when, after watching Kevin Munroe’s remake of my childhood classic television show, I realized that TMNT was nothing more than a ploy to grab the money of over-enthusiastic fans like me. I should have expected it, I know, but you can’t blame me for hoping just a little that they’d be able at least make a decent film.

In this film, everyone’s favorite turtles aren’t quite ‘teenage’ anymore: they are holding down menial jobs (though I don’t understand why they need rent money if they live in a sewer) and dragging themselves through their everyday lives without much purpose. When a set of monsters - and the return of the foot clan - ravage the city, the turtles spring back into action, putting aside personal vendettas in order to work together to save their town. Cheesy. It would have worked if it was Shredder coming back to life (again), but this time, the enemy wasn’t menacing, the story wasn’t compelling, and all felt a bit too contrived. And there was definitely not enough Donatello.

The supposed tension between Raphael and Leonardo seemed too artificial, the relationship between Casey and April was overly superficial, and the one-liners that usually made the cartoon witty and gritty at the same time fell flat in the film. Case in point: Michaelangelo came across as a pothead loser rather than ‘party dude’. Sure, the animation was pretty neat, and the fight scenes were sometimes intense, but there was nothing remarkable on display that Pixar hadn’t already done with any of its features over the past ten years. The true highlight of TMNT for me was seeing Master Splinter - voiced by Oscar-nominated actor Mako just before he passed away - kick some serious arse.

In all, TMNT may be a decent way to kill your Sunday afternoon, but it surely wasn’t worth the fourteen year wait between Ninja Turtle movies. And the hint of a sequel towards the end of the film means that we should be expecting even more animated turtle mediocrity very soon. And sadly, you know I’m going to watch that one as well with my purple Donatello headband in tow.